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'How to Make Online Dating Work,' According To Aziz Ansari,Article Options

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Take Derek, a regular user of OkCupid who lives in New York City. Medium height, thinning brown hair, nicely dressed and personable, but not immediately magnetic or charming. At our focus group on online dating in Manhattan, Derek got on OkCupid and let us watch as he went through his options. The first woman he clicked on was very beautiful, with a witty profile page, a good job and lots of shared interests, including a love of sports.

Imagine the Derek of 20 years ago, finding out that this beautiful, charming woman was a real possibility for a date. If she were at a bar and smiled at him, Derek of would have melted. No thank you! But Derek of simply clicked an X on a web-browser tab and deleted her without thinking twice. Watching him comb through those profiles, it became clear that online, every bozo could now be a stud.

But dealing with this new digital romantic world can be a lot of work. Even the technological advances of the past few years are pretty absurd. Trust me! In the history of our species, no group has ever had as many romantic options as we have now.

In theory, more options are better, right? We have all become maximizers. When I think back to that sad peanut-butter-and-banana sandwich I had in Seattle, this idea resonates with me. You better believe. If you only knew how good the candles in my house smell. If you are in a big city or on an online-­dating site, you are now comparing your potential partners not just to other potential partners but rather to an idealized person to whom no one could ­measure up. Amarnath Thombre, Match.

When you watched their actual browsing habits—who they looked at and contacted—they went way outside of what they said they wanted. When I was writing stand-up about online dating, I filled out the forms for dummy accounts on several dating sites just to get a sense of the questions and what the process was like.

The person I described was a little younger than me, small, with dark hair. My girlfriend now, whom I met through friends, is two years older, about my height—O. A big part of online dating is spent on this process, though—setting your filters, sorting through profiles and going through a mandatory checklist of what you think you are looking for.

People take these parameters very seriously. But does all the effort put into sorting profiles help? Despite the nuanced information that people put up on their profiles, the factor that they rely on most when preselecting a date is looks. Now, of course, we have mobile dating apps like Tinder. Contrary to the labor-­intensive user experience of traditional online dating, mobile apps generally operate on a much simpler and quicker scale. As soon as you sign in, Tinder uses your GPS location to find nearby users and starts showing you pictures.

Maybe it sounds shallow. But consider this: In the case of my girlfriend, I initially saw her face somewhere and approached her. I just had her face, and we started talking and it worked out.

Is that experience so different from swiping on Tinder? Nor is it all that different from what one friend of mine did, using online dating to find someone Jewish who lived nearby. In the U. Americans are also joining the international trend of marrying later; for the first time in history, the typical American now spends more years single than married. So what are we doing instead? As Eric wrote in his own book, Going Solo , we experiment.

Long-term cohabitation is on the rise. Living alone has skyrocketed almost everywhere, and in many major cities, nearly half of all households have just one resident. But marriage is not an altogether undesirable institution. And there are many great things about being in a committed relationship.

Look at my parents: they had an arranged marriage, and they are totally happy. I looked into it, and this is not uncommon. People in arranged marriages start off lukewarm, but over time they really invest in each other and in general have successful relationships.

This may be because they bypassed the most dangerous part of a relationship. In the first stage of a relationship, you have passionate love. This is where you and your partner are just going crazy for each other.

Every smile makes your heart flutter. Every night is more magical than the last. During this phase, your brain floods your neural synapses with dopamine, the same neurotransmitter that gets released when you do cocaine. Like all drugs, though, this high wears off after 12 to 18 months. At a certain point, the brain rebalances itself. In good relationships, as passionate love fades, companionate love arises to take its place.

If passionate love is the cocaine of love, companionate love is like having a glass of wine. Later, out on the street, you see more "jam," just walking around.

The takeaway: Your customers may want options, but you don't have to overwhelm them. The sheer number of options won't make them happier. Call this ethnography If the goal is to study behavior , you need evidence of behavior--you can't just take people's word for it. You have to see how they act when they're behind the wheel , as opposed to trusting their narrative of the drive. Likewise, Ansari and Klinenberg asked to look at the phones of their subjects.

Tellingly, there was often a gap between how a subject described her texts with someone, and how the texts came across when you actually read them, as a complete stranger to the situation.

For example, one woman was describing her texting correspondence with a guy she'd just met. She was enthusiastic. But when they collected her phone, the authors saw that she'd named the guy "Kevin don't text me Thursday" in her contacts. More to the point, by looking at the subject's phone, Ansari and Klinenberg gained a new, useful insight into this particular subject that they otherwise would not have learned.

Klinenberg told the crowd that one of the perks of working with Ansari was his clout as a celebrity. People were willing to share with Ansari what they'd not normally share with someone identifying himself as a social scientist, as Klinenberg does. You might not be able to work with a celebrity, but you can certainly add an element of levity or relaxation to your market research.

For instance, one health care entrepreneur hoping to learn more about what senior citizens would want in an app hung out at the local IHOP.

He knew it was a relaxed setting where his subjects might see him as just another dad buying pancakes for his young children, rather than a researcher. logo Login navigation. Getty Images. Age has a lot to do with preferred modes of communication. When you're collecting data on how people behave, study their actions.

What's love got to do with marketing? More than you might have guessed, according to some recent research from comedian Aziz Ansari and NYU sociologist Eric Klinenberg. With the June publication of Modern Romance: An Investigation , the co-authors shared their findings from a serious research project--including extensive interviews and focus groups--asking men and women of all ages, all over the world, about their communications experiences in the realm of romance.

On Thursday, at HubSpot's Inbound conference in Boston, Ansari and Klinenberg took the stage to present their findings to a crowd of more than 14, Here are four highlights:. One topic Ansari and Klinenberg explored in their book was a common dating question: If you meet someone at a bar and get their contact info, what's the best way to follow up?

Should you call or should you text? The answer depends on the age of whoever is being contacted, Ansari and Klinenberg found. A woman in her 30s or older was more likely to view a call as a positive sign. That's very old-fashioned and interesting," is how Ansari described it.

By contrast, he said, women in their 20s were more likely to view calling as a negative. That's [effing] gross. Leave me alone. These same expectations apply to the fine art of how to break up with someone. The older you are, the more being dumped via text as opposed to in person or over the phone seems like an affront.

You can extrapolate how to use this finding from a marketing perspective: If you need to reach out to customers or prospects about an emotional or sensitive subject, don't use a one-size-fits-all approach. Citing The Paradox of Choice , a book by psychologist Barry Schwartz, Ansari and Klinenberg pointed out that more options doesn't necessarily lead to happier customers.

Options make choosing harder in the first place; they also make it easier to second-guess your choice. Ansari cited the work of Sheena Iyengar, a professor at Columbia Business School and author of The Art of Choosing.

In Iyengar's experiments, customers buying jam at supermarkets were much happier when they made their selection from a shelf displaying four types of jam, as opposed to 25 types. Later, out on the street, you see more "jam," just walking around. The takeaway: Your customers may want options, but you don't have to overwhelm them. The sheer number of options won't make them happier. Call this ethnography If the goal is to study behavior , you need evidence of behavior--you can't just take people's word for it.

You have to see how they act when they're behind the wheel , as opposed to trusting their narrative of the drive. Likewise, Ansari and Klinenberg asked to look at the phones of their subjects.

Tellingly, there was often a gap between how a subject described her texts with someone, and how the texts came across when you actually read them, as a complete stranger to the situation. For example, one woman was describing her texting correspondence with a guy she'd just met. She was enthusiastic. But when they collected her phone, the authors saw that she'd named the guy "Kevin don't text me Thursday" in her contacts. More to the point, by looking at the subject's phone, Ansari and Klinenberg gained a new, useful insight into this particular subject that they otherwise would not have learned.

Klinenberg told the crowd that one of the perks of working with Ansari was his clout as a celebrity. People were willing to share with Ansari what they'd not normally share with someone identifying himself as a social scientist, as Klinenberg does. You might not be able to work with a celebrity, but you can certainly add an element of levity or relaxation to your market research. For instance, one health care entrepreneur hoping to learn more about what senior citizens would want in an app hung out at the local IHOP.

He knew it was a relaxed setting where his subjects might see him as just another dad buying pancakes for his young children, rather than a researcher. logo Login navigation. Getty Images. Age has a lot to do with preferred modes of communication.

When you're collecting data on how people behave, study their actions. If the goal is getting people to open up, recruit a celebrity--or make the process seem less serious. Sponsored Business Content.

Aziz Ansari: Love, Online Dating, Modern Romance and the Internet,What's Related

AdFind Love With the Help Of Top 5 Dating Sites. Make a Year to Remember! Online Dating Has Already Changed The Lives of Millions of People. Join blogger.com has been visited by 10K+ users in the past monthMillions of Users · Dating Sites Comparison · Customer Support · Meet Singles Like YouService catalog: Video Chat, See Profiles, Find Singles Nearby, Match with Locals AdTired of dating locally? Meet beautiful foreign singles on InternationalCupid today! Meet beautiful women from Asia, Latin America, Europe and Africa. Join in 30 blogger.come catalog: Instant Messaging, Live Chat, Recommended Matches AdFind Your Special Someone Online. Choose the Right Dating Site & Start Now!Types: All Ages Dating Sites, Senior Dating Sites, Gay Dating Sites ... read more

Sponsored Business Content. And there are many great things about being in a committed relationship. She was enthusiastic. Looking for: Any Activity Partner Casual Dating Friends Long-Term Marriage Penpal. What's love got to do with marketing? The second danger point is when passionate love starts wearing off. In a recent article for The New York Times, the duo shares a few insights gleaned from two years of research for the book.

Like all drugs, though, this high wears off after 12 to 18 months. Medium height, thinning brown hair, nicely dressed and personable, but not immediately magnetic or charming. If she were at a bar and smiled at him, ansari online dating options, Derek of would have melted. One is at the apex of the passionate-love phase. The stunning fact remained: it was quicker ansari online dating options my dad to find a wife than it is for me to decide where to eat dinner. Your browser is out of date. Watching him comb through those profiles, it became clear that online, every bozo could now be a stud.

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